reposing_rhythm

something tells me this isn't the end of you

commencement dinner photo flooding's got me thinking again. when we just got into the school, they were sec2. the seniors who somehow seemed in the same boat as we were, under our sec3 seniors. it's like they were older than us, but not more senior. but now that they've finally graduated it kinda makes me wonder how i've done as a sec3 senior. have i made my sec2 and 1 juniors seem to be from the same boat? are we all ready to take that tree top sec4 place. it's going to be an interesting year. more politics to listen to. more people to get pissed with. more projects more tasks more business. idk, i don't think i'm ready to graduate yet maybe 2010 will make me ready but i'm only hoping to do the things i know i want to.

robocup 2009's been great (: idk i feel like we're finally solving higher order problems. it's not "getting the robot to move" it isn't "oh shit our shooter's not working" it's finally "that strategy's not good enough" okay there might be "we can't catch the ball" but i think it's pretty solvable. things been looking good. (: really really awesome but i'm kinda worried for shungit's robot. strategy seems abit too simple but hey i guess sometimes simpler things work better. this week's going to be tough, with stay over mon - tues. probably illegal till wed and comp wed thurs. haha hopefully i don't die half way. last night was so screwy. got home fell asleep every 5 minutes attempted to do more robot stuff fainted in the toilet fell down the stairs. gah not young anymore lol.

sometimes i wished you all would understand where i come from. i wish all of you would know that when i do the things i do, i know about it before i do it or after it. i understand the effect i'm drawing across. i understand what type of a person i'm portraying to you. and if you hate it, just tell me because that's how boxing partners learn and if it hurts, they get closer. doing what you're doing just proves you're no better.

i just wanted to talk to you. but you turned around and shot an arrow through my heart, melted my knees to jelly, blurred my eyes zipped my mouth cleched my wills. that's what you do to me all the time, do you know? you're the anchor and the home i guess.

i've honestly never felt this pissed with myself nor rules ever before. screw it.

paint your picture extra bright with lots of yellow green and white
break the clock so the hands of time can never move again.

you see and hear about it everyday. you take a stab at it but turn away before it faces you. everyone looks around for a moment in time their life changes, a moment in time where all things bad stop and the things they love just repeat themselves. everyone searches for people to love them back but hide the inner belief that they don't when it's finally here. everyone longs for their lives to be special and not to have special moments in their lives. everyone wants to be the peace maker and not the one who delivers peace. we aim to be 'that special person' in everyone's eyes. the person who said something that made your day. the person they look for when in trouble. the person everyone looks to for inspiration.

but i guess everyone tries too hard.

and when you need the hands to hold you up

got my super fi. 5 back today :D finally back to good good sounding music. haha. guess i took her advice and it helped, thanks (: yup, i can stop thinking. but i don't necessarily want to. it's amazing what you can discover, right. haha. sleep more, you'll think less and feel better.

don't have a trying to be epic line/phrase today, guess i'm just happy. things happening people turning around. somehow we learn the most and we grow the most when we're left to our own devices, left to our own wandering mind. and i realised i haven't done something in awhile.....

1 happy thing today: (there's 3) earphones came back, robot finally has LOADS MORE done, i got a chance to talk to you (:
1 thing i can learn: not everyone works the same way (: suck it up & tolerate, even if it's pure injustice

maybe sometimes you fear the orchestra not the movie. today's an interesting day, haha we learn more and more each day don't we. sometimes holding back let's time play the devil, it let's time be the helper, the catalyst the engine the driver and the steering wheel. maybe sometimes we just have to put the car on the road and let it drive us to whereever it wants us to be.

i try to convince myself sometimes life's about doing what you truly love, not conforming to the things the world tells you are good, not following the road people set you on, not completing the journey people tell you to undertake just because you started it. sometimes passion outweighs will. sometimes love, care, things that matter things that are soft and dovey matter more than the pressure stress and everything else. sometimes light from love shines through the things the world tell you to do. maybe enough is enough and it's time to rethink our direction. it's one more year and we'll be flying out of here. one more year to put things to real good use before school wears us down to A levels. one more year before we set the gears in place for the rest of our lives, if the journey so far was long, there's no mention on how long more this will be. move, shine, grow. sit down and think, please?

fly like a bird, but tell yourself you're one too.

meadows cringling away, like our time left
if the words are spoken, some magic spell will be broken
counting down the days as we count up the years
we're counting on our smiles, not our tears
the ink won't flow, words don't show, but the thoughts keep flowing
just about 4 days, a year and 24 hours, running through my veins, running through every thing i say
just about 4 days, we're standing at the finish now.

write goodbye, say don't cry. all it seems to feel like just about 4 days.

yuquan's song plays a certain significance today. haha. it was just about 4 days, a year and 24 hours ago we said goodbye. haven't heard from you since. you're not away, you're just in the distance. going for worship prac in abit, hopefully my burnt finger doesn't screw me up too badly. i guess since 1 year and 5 days ago i've learnt quite abit, learnt to love, learnt to endure, learnt to treasure learnt to ignore. if you're going to judge me by words, i've got nothing to say.

everyone's got a way of taking issues on, getting an opinion and re-expressing it. some cry some laugh, some ask people around them some ponder, wonder and wander. some talk others think then talk, but others just keep it in.

i stayed off your radar so you'd turn on your sonar and listen in and not just look round in circles.

with meadows cringling away.
SP trial was good today, robot ran, shot, solved a few problems created quite a few but all in all we wowed the crowd with the shooting and flexible movements. time for some serious IR works :D oh btw, COMPASS WORKED EVEN WITH THE 100V KICKER CIRCUIT :D

i hate teething problems, just like you.

if we loved each other, we can change the world.
i was falling from the first, not a stranger to the darkness.

interesting day today. i think i slept too much. didn't have alot of lab time because of the pipe works so, yeah. haha. times are seriously changing. i know i say it alot, but really. you can see it day to day. how mentalities change, how the climate, geographically and socially changes. you can see how the world moves, and that's pretty cool i think. times are getting harder. and i'm still not sure if i wanna go back to OM next year. sentimental sentimental hur. expectancy to win, somewhat. 

i have to find my path to thread on. i mean i hate timyap for the cheesy council tagline but really, threading on a path least ventured. i guess it's time to part from the norm, the expected the same and the secure. it's time to step out, chase a dream further than most, work for a goal tougher than most. i've got a dream that somehow came out after the urge to pursue the path planned by others disappeared. an idea, a vision came out after the path i've lost meaning in disappeared from the ground. it's time to kill it. it's a different playing field it's a different environment. maybe for once in years i can get back to killing everything i do. hopefully.

 home at noon today, wow.

it's your choice to be the blister or the scar. both are an eye sore, but only one hurts and only one has the potential to hurt. think about it. anyhow got quite abit of robot done today. i hate teething problems but i guess we just can't help it. 

smile, you know that's the only other purpose of your mouth.

 
the stage is set.

everyone's got a crazy dream in them. everyone's got a mad ambition. everyone's got a goal secret and dear they keep deep inside. heros are separated not by their abilities, not by x-ray visions nor claws of death, but by the inner belief they hold dear and true. by that single strand of inner faith that the stage is his, his secret dreams aren't the work of the young and naive but the fingers of fate at work. what if every man harbors the inner belief that he's the one. he is the only one who can fill the shoes of his dreams. what if every man's dream was the true reflection of the heart and mind in synergy rather than arms and limbs in motion. it's the story of 2 boys. boys ordinary by face, ordinary by actions but extra-ordinary in inner strength. it's the story of 2 stars in the making, it's the story of two naive youngsters expressing their inner thoughts through the only way they know how - music&dance. it's a journey for the strong at will, it's an experience of a life time, it's the struggle to stardom.

 
tell me lies tell me sweet little lies.
jenna losing's faith in what she knows
makes the surgery in a new note.

times are changing i guess. sec3's over in quite literally a flash and sec4's just beginning. looking through the academic sylabus for next year, i'm quite afraid. i 'knew' half the stuff from sec3 before starting and look what happened. now i know nuts and it's going to be hell loads tougher. i don't fear death, i fear dying. and this entire year has been a downward spiral to hell. in all aspects, i feel as though i've been disempowered and yet i've grown so much. everyone always talks about how sec3 life's a dashing in hell, a stroke of the whip, a wake up call with ice or a sudden flash. it's here it's gone it hurt it's cold. guess it's true, somewhat.

2008 was filled with flying everywhere, OM, OMWF, and the start of OPSL. it wasn't easy. haha dare i say it it was actually challenging, coping with OMWF and studies and blah. but 2009 pushed to a different league. SLC was extremely sweet sour. it still is. don't really wanna think about it right now but, that's all i can say i guess. biggest slap of sweet sour sauce you can down in one mouthful.OPSL was a dip in chicken stew too, somewhat. but i felt the need for it, i pushed for it, i got myself killed in it, but i still think it was worth it. it probably did not accomplish the cause, but it raised awareness. and that's what's important.

i don't know. 2009's been so much yet i can only write so little. i guess alot of things are still floating around, not really sinking in. politics being played around, people being stupid. self control breaching. i guess the year's at its end and whatever thoughts choose to stay inside will always remain inside. messing up alot of things. ultimately it's 365 days to a goal, it's 365 days to something all sec4's should aim for. and it's something i won't let myself screw up like everything else this year. you know i admit it. i screwed up everywhere possible this year. i became the person everyone hates. the pressure turned me inside out. i did things i wish i could take back. i said things i hope never lasts. i'm not perfect. yeah actually i'm far from being perfect. but neither are you. i don't want to fight a war anymore. if surrender's the option i'm glad to do it but it probably won't work with you around so.

 you didn't think i would turn around and say it's too late to apologize. But i did. 

1 happy thing : i'm learning to hide emotions very well
1 thing to learn : turn up the adaptation dial, the world's moving again,

dramafest was awesome. :D noisy audience is such a signature HC is here signal to the world wee. the plays were alright bah, not spectacular not OH MY but i guess it's alright, really really not bad jiu shi le. good job you two (: you know who you are lah don't come ask me again.

circuit frying isn't fun, not particularly anyway. the smoke, fumes, heart pain, wallet pain. probably another 5 years of my life was lost today breathing fumes. School's losing LOADS of its bling thanks to me. rarh sucks. go robocup anyhow, sacrifices won't be in vain if they're taken in the right attitude manzx.

i think it's funny how people change, It used to be change good change bad, but now there are descriptors. change this way, change that way, such a whatever not whatever anymore. increase in vocabulary, or the world's moving faster than we can.

( emo part just for f**king you. )

show me what it's like
to be the last one standing

back from council retreat. gotta say it's been the most impactful retreat yet. i mean passing on the baton, it just feels right. it makes me proud to be who i am and where i'm from. a part of me tells me moving on is good but the other half holds on so tightly. it's sec4, wake up your idea.

1 happy thing from this retreat: i got quite abit of reflection time from the bus (bridgeeee) and sorted out quite abit more
i thing to learn: don't judge a book by its cover, even if the cover's non-existant. 

i'll update more tomorrow, dead tired
btw i'm not going vietnam, typhoon crap.